BRIAN SAX HATES PARKS
Especially
YOUR
park
(Scroll to learn more)
Who's Brian Sax?
Brian Sax is a an embittered little Saxophone that hates reading
and especially hates the library. Pretty weird for the
superintendent of Cable County Schools in East Virginia, right?
We thought so too! So, with that in mind, we just wanted to give you a little background information about Brian the Saxophone and his unique approach to education.
Why does he hate parks?
Brian Sax's aversion to parks is as strong as his disdain for libraries. As an anthropomorphic saxophone, Brian finds the unpredictable outdoor environments of parks to be discordant with his nature. He believes that parks are unnecessary luxuries that distract from what he considers to be more important educational pursuits.Many speculate that Brian's dislike of parks is rooted in his general contempt for leisure and recreation, which he views as frivolous compared to academic achievements. Others suggest that his hatred stems from a personal discomfort with the natural world, as it contrasts sharply with the structured and controlled environment he prefers. Some even whisper that Brian once had a sour note in a park, leading to a lifelong grudge against these green spaces.
Regardless of the reason, Brian's efforts to defund parks in favor of his educational agenda have sparked controversy and debate among the residents of Cable County, further cementing his reputation as a superintendent with unconventional priorities.
What's this all about?
Brian Sax wants to be seen and known as an administrator that "gets things done." This means that when times get tough, Brian MUST be seen doing....something. What's that something? Who knows! As long as he's a real "go-getter", 'ole Brassy Brian knows it will all turn out all right. The humble pencil and paper that has guided education in his county for over a century? Surely an improvement could be made with expensive equipment! Longitudinal studies for the efficacy of this equipment? What are those?! Give new curriculums time so that efficacy can be tested? Why would he do that when new curriculums are published every year that can be bought? Surely educators are just like pieces of code that can be patched with the latest update, right? Hell, as long as Brian can brag that he did something before those 'lazy rich guys' in Buttnam County he can call it innovating and everyone will cheer his name! This means that Brian's eagerness to be perceived as a proactive leader has led to a series of choices that prioritize immediate visibility over genuine improvement.Now, when a a real mover and shaker needs to fund his latest pet project, but temporary money is drying up, what is he to do? He could petition community members for an excess levy to replace that lost funding. That makes sense.... But what if there were also two largely popular community resources that he just can't stand? That's right, the Cable County Public Library system and Greater Huntingtown Parks and Recreation District. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Propose a levy that not only funds his pet projects but also completely defunds those pesky libraries and parks. After all, who needs books and green spaces when you've got shiny new tech gadgets and the promise of progress, right?
Of course, none of this would be possible without the unwavering support of his family of reeds. They're always there to rubber-stamp his decisions, no matter how shortsighted or detrimental they may be to the community. It's a perfect setup for Brian: he gets to be the hero in his own story, while the needs and desires of Cable County's residents take a backseat.
Wait... He has a family?
Of course he does! No Saxophone worth his salt is going to ruffle all these feathers alone. Like any other saxophone, Brian is going to need a family of reeds to keep him implementing ideas that properly HONK! Since they wear out in staggered terms, they are all too willing to rubber-stamp his decisions while purposely ignoring the needs of the community that surrounds them too. They, like Brian, are not free of guilt and are driven by their strong desire to be seen doing something...anything so that they can justify their positions in the Sax family.
Ronharmony Reed
Scary Reed
Ali Sax-Reed
Coytempo Reed
Joshtaccato Reed
Coytempo Reed
Joshtaccato Reed